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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

School's out for summer

...school’s out for ever. Well, not for ever, probably. I still intend to go to university next year. But school (college) is most definitely out for a while, and has been for a month or so. Only now I am starting to get my around it.

I’d been going to the same college for three years (I was the only person who lasted from the first class right through all three years), working towards a qualification I’m still not sure I’ve got (slight issues with the department lecturers on that one), with my life revolving around essays, projects and assessments. Even now, I find myself having an ‘I’ve got so much to do’ panic before I realise that, actually, I don’t. Three years of my life in one place - it’s gonna take a big adjustment to not be there anymore. Though, funnily enough, the only thing I miss about the place so far is those Caribbean chicken corn snack things they had in the canteen. And you can get them anywhere.

Something I’ve noticed, and I’m not going to try and pass this off as a hugely original thought, is that studying something can really bugger up your enthusiasm for it. However, with a little bit of distance, there are some projects I undertook as coursework I’d like to return to, work a bit more on. Although, in contrast to this, college introduced me to or helped to foster things I now have a passion for - writing for one. So you can blame them for this blog.

Aside from the work, I never made great friends there to miss. The class was cliquey in the extreme. There were the loaners, always on the periphery and never really participating, the Barbie crew, and the group I got lumped with. Not sure quite what you’d call them, to be honest. They were a tight knit bunch and they just seemed to put up with me. We never really had anything in common, which I’ll admit I found both disappointing and slightly surprising. I would have thought, given the nature and subject of the course that we would have had something in common to talk about - films, music, books. But there didn't seem to be anything - we had different interests.

As easy as it would be to spew venom about some of the people I met, I’m going to try and be stoical. We were different, that’s all. I suppose, for me, what truly and deeply…annoyed me? disappointed me? at the time was their inability to see beyond themselves. Nothing and no-one remotely different could escape without seething criticism or utter bafflement. That isn’t how my mind works - I try hard to foster the exact opposite attitude. I can judge too, but it’s not a quality I find attractive, and so I try and curb it. I try and be more understanding, less judgmental, more open-minded. Sometimes I might succeed, other times I might fail, but at least I try. I can remember we were all sitting in the canteen one lunchtime, and we ended up talking about foreign food. I said ‘oh, I like sushi,’ which was met with a squint and a wrinkling of the nose, and A saying ‘yeah - you look like the type of person that would like sushi.’ I wasn’t sure how to interpret that. Did she mean I looked Japanese? Doubtful, what with the red hair. Either way, I don’t think it was a compliment. In fact a lot of things I said were met with that expression. So in the end, I stopped saying anything.

Of course, it wasn’t just the other students - I had various lecturers to deal with. I must say, you’d be hard pushed to find a more diverse, colourful selection of characters elsewhere. That department offered a wealth of fabulous writing material. Not that I’ll be utilising it, you understand. For all the anonymity of a blog (I suppose if you analyse it, it may not be as anonymous as you’d think at first sight) I’m reluctant to talk too much about the people I met there. I have my own private thoughts about each and every one of them - some good and some bad - but I don’t necessarily think they are for public consumption. I can't share my innermost thoughts and feelings here.

What I will say is that some of the people I met had a lasting effect on me, and how I view the world. Who I am and my view of the world has changed so much over the last few years, due to many factors and not just college. I’m interested to see where I’ll go next.

7 Comments:

At 12:21 PM, Blogger Inspector Monkfish said...

Funny history of this entry then. I read it last night (I don't remember it looking any different, although I'm not sure it had the picture at that time), and then later (I'm not sure whether it was later last night or this morning), I noticed it had disappeared again.

I don't remember everything I said to it last night, and I would probably not write the same thing now. If you still have it, if you could paste it in as a comment of your own, I'll copy & paste it back in as a comment of mine, and then you can delete yours. Whew.

 
At 12:22 PM, Blogger Suz said...

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At 1:18 PM, Blogger Inspector Monkfish said...

You don't sound like a cup half-empty person to me.

I always (Well, often) try to see from other peoples' views too. I feel like I'm defending them, or pointing their points across, but normally I just end up arguing something I don't necessarily believe myself!

You sure have written a lot recently.

I kept thinking I'd go write something here, and then there would be more to read! :)

My college canteen had curly fries ;)

People are an odd thing. Some of them don't think because they don't want to.

It's also strange how I see myself as anonymous, and am working towards posting my innermost everything on my blog. I try leave out the unimportant stuff, as I feel it is more identifiable. You seem to be suggesting the reverse. I guess I started my blog with the express purpose of looking for somewhere to talk about that sort of thing, though.

At college, I learnt that I had had enough of structured learning in that sort of environment. I used to skip lessons to learn the exact sort of thing that I went to college to learn.
--
What a random assortment of comments I wrote!

 
At 1:26 PM, Blogger Suz said...

I'm glad I don't sound like a cup half-empty person, because that's exactly what I'm trying to get away from!

Yeah - I have written a lot recently. I really enjoy it, and at the moment, I seem to keep finding things I want to write about. I'm sure I'll go through a phase where all my creativity dries up, though!

I can't post my innermost on here, because I have a huge fear someone will read something I don't want them to know, or something about themselves. A few people I know have the address of my blog - my sister in law and two friends. I don't know if anyone else I know reads it - the address was on Flickr for a while. I'm going to start a journal, I think for those thoughts.

Phew, I've written an essay here!

 
At 2:18 PM, Blogger Inspector Monkfish said...

Not being entirely anonymous could well be for the best. Who know what sort of thing one could say given a cloak of anonymity. ;)

 
At 2:19 PM, Blogger Suz said...

Probably nothing worse that I say to my girlfriends over coffee and cake - they get it *all*!

 
At 5:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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