Friday, June 30, 2006

Oh, the dilemmas...

When a woman is deciding on her ensemble for the day, there are several key factors to consider: the occasion, her shape, her colouring, what’s in her laundry basket and the weather. You get up in the morning, look out the window and start gnashing your teeth and emitting high-pitched squeaks. Women the length of the country pray for warm weather and blazing sunshine; to feel the joy of throwing on two items and striding out the door. Instead we have to undertake co-ordination of garments so complex it would make a certified genius weep. Top, trousers, shoes, gloves, scarf, coat, handbag, brolly, hat. The permutations are endless. Positively mind-numbing. It is a moment of great personal anguish when, once a suitable outfit has been chosen, you realise that you don’t have a jacket that goes with it. And of course going without a jacket isn’t an option. Unless you’re a masochist and enjoy freezing your nipples off. And then there’s rain. The fashionista’s constant nemesis. It’s sly. It’s clever. It’ll find the minuscule invisible-to-the-naked-eye hole in your shoes in about 0.01 seconds. The beloved Chucky T’s are out for starters. And what solution have we come up with to this style conundrum? Patterned wellies. I’m sorry, you could cover them in pictures of a nude Jake Gyllenhaal and rubber shoes still wouldn’t be a stylish alternative in my book. But you give in and buy the pink polka-dot wellies. But you can’t even hide the monstrosities under your uber-trendy boy-fit indigos, because the trailing denim has a better suction action than the latest model Dyson, and soon up to your knees is a squelchy, worryingly murky mess. And, let's not forget, to truly achieve the full effect you must also purchase the co-ordinating brolly. I mean, just imagine going out with clashing shoes and umbrella? Unthinkable!


At 6:11 PM, Blogger Inspector Monkfish said...

lol :) A curious insight into the alien mind of... Woman. ;)

Though 'tis true. My wife often has the same problem, only for me to pop to the bathroom, come out, and find her in a completely different set of clothes.

She's always telling me men have it easy - trousers, shirt.

Well, it might be hard work, but I bet it's nicer to have a bit more identity :)

At 6:33 PM, Blogger Suz said...

Hm. You're the second man to say that to me, about idenitity and choice.

I suppose it must get a bit dull, only having shirts and trousers to choose - I can't deny that the choice excites my artistic side. Though it would be nice to have soggy feet less often :-p


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